McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
