he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
