He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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