I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
