I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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