Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
