walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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