you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
