as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
