Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize