We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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