I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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