4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
