some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
