If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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