I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
