How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
