Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
