i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
