Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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