someone get that fucking seahorse.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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