Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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