I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
