Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
