im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
