Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
