Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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