so that wasnt chicken after all
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
