my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i came on her dog
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize