Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
