So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
