I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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