I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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