omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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