im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
