You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
