I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize