How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
