I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
