I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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