i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
