craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
