You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
