another moral hangover. fuck.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
