Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
