Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
