day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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