Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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