My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
