im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just had sex on a roof
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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