Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
