What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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