I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
