turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
