SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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