he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize