We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
