Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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