So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think I am morally bankrupt
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize