All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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