I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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