if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
