i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
