so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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