were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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