I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
