she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
