I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
