obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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