She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
