remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
