Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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