is wine microwaveable?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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