flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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