I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think people are normalizing furries
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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