whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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