so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
