if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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