why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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